Psalm 40 and life

"He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God"

"Then I said, 'Behold, I come;
In the scroll of the book it is written of me. "

"Let those be appalled because of their shame
Who say to me, 'Aha, aha!'"

"Since I am afflicted and needy
Let the Lord be mindful of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God."

I think..this psalm is my favorite.. it involves singing, music..which i would deem is one of my favorite things in life and mourning, submitting a plea before the holiest of hollies.

it seems that i submit pleas before the Father, all the time, i cannot do anything without beggin for help. if only i could feel him there always. instead of having to feel panic.. i started with a LOT of thoughts.. this is what became of them.. not very satisfied.

Killing me softly

maybe youve heard the song.. it has been sung by a couple of people.. most recently by lauryn hill and the fugees..
its a song that holds a lot of memories, i hadnt really thought about it so much. (surprised? hardly.. "something i hadnt thought about much till now, and now im going to write about it.. what an overused suject intro)

it might have a totally different meaning..but the beautiful thing about songs, is that you can take them and mold them to your situation in life.
right now, im re-adjusting to life here in america. performing the unforgivable act of losing myself in the culture so i can get situated. i basically loathed the thought of doing this exact thing, when living in turkey. ironic like a lot of things in my daily routine. im learning a lot of things constantly.. i hardly get the time to write them down too.
lates thing is that i feel used. overused. like a elmer's glue bottle (they have a cow on it..that looks like the cousin to the 'la vache qui rit' cheese) ..and the bottles almost empty and the glue is dry on the tip part.. and because its dry -you cant tell if theres any left.. and your trying to take the stuff off only to find you have to take the whole top off. frustrated? ye ..why? because elmer's glue bottles are usually so easy to use, arent designed to get all complicated and dry and empty and sticky and what-not..
yes. i feel like glue.. or no-more-left glue...i dont feel it all the time.. just, enough that it makes me feel ardent unsatisfaction (closest emotion to it)

me me me me me.. so repetitive
i wish i could write about ..poverty and desolation in asia/africa, but at the moment- i dont believe that writing on such a subject would change anything. plus, even though i think its horrible..it does not rise up emotions causing me to want to express
(insert guilt that should be felt)

i wana write more.. but i cant