Teen and Eight

The mingling of sounds or words in any form or contortion can not express this spirit in full.
Upon this birthday morn, I do know that I have come pretty far and I hope I will go farther.
I recognize a part of myself, I can recognize sources of ideas and feelings from within myself.
I am still afraid of pain and its effects.
I am not afraid of death.
I know my limitations and capabilities but I do not know how far I should push them.

I go over certain events which have wrecked hell on me and my being and I will say "If that hadn't happened, I could have taken over the world by now" ..but then I will second guess myself and pose my stronger feeling "If that handn't happened I would have been pretty pathetic compared to now"

Now, how far do I push? how much do I wish?

Do I push for God, do I wish for heaven? Lasting wisdom, guidance and fellowship?
Do I push for riches? No, a convenience for sure, I've been pampered most of my life. If I could only get rid of those shackles, I would feel so much more free'er.
Do I wish for fame? pffff
Friendships? For sure, this is a bonus that I believe will come with guidance from the Father.
Power? Yes. I do wish for power. Spiritual power. Power of self-control and alertness.
Love? I cannot live without it. I yearn for it, as it says in psalms: As the deer pants for water. (even if its an analogy for yearning for God)

I'm begining to like this damned journey of purpose, it can be very refreshing and, sometimes, suprising.