Creature of nothing

Rolled, sat and smoked
this rhetoric for so long,
and yes
it might be the death of us
if I don't stop thinking
and rest
without this ugly crisis.

Dreamt the heart away
leaving as it did,
following the debacle
with vicious stubborn time.
Wishing for x, whishing for y
in following cycle
questions turn to crime.

Joy, to feel it
touch and taste,
numbness is my ruin.
It grows on fingers, tongue and eyes
callused head to toe
Suffering loss of gumption
I lack the steady "No."

Freedom is exposure,
cut of the callused scars.
they bleed dark thoughts
set free from locks of darkness.
they bleed bright thoughts
set loose from locks of bleakness
red fountains of deliverance

Salvation is my food
Sustenance from blood
Free of form, chains–infliction
A vampire is not numb.
No longer nothing (sweet pain, what joy)
G-d save this sovereign vampire
and be my sacred signum.