Friday, September 30, 2005

stupid land?

your majestiy, i plead my case before you, the court of the heavens. i plead my case for the hundreth time.
what good are lungs if one cannot breath? what good are eyes if one cannot see? what good is life if it cannot be lived? unless this is a temporary punch in the stomach that will return to normal after a couple of deep breaths.. but would any normal person try to breath if they were not promised relief? im lost, utterly lost. i do not believe you could inflict such plague just for some lesson...some plan.. what kind of plan is this that one is tormented? that would make you a greek god, a roman god... a god who toys with his minnions for fun and amusement.. you are not that God. if you are there....which i know you are, please make it evident with some divine intervention.. some divine healing of my soul.. im like a near-dead tree found in the middle of a ghetto.. with string and plastic strewn around its branches which are cut and broken.
you promise flight with the eagles ..i feel like ive been bitterly betrayed, no help in sight..every hope of some recovery has been thrown to the ground and set fire too.. my troubles are too many to count, i try to cover my eyes and repeat to myself your promises.. but the hands that were covering now ache with no strenth left in them..why do you insist on me living in misery. indeed i am not even the worst, and i know it..there are no 'buts' or 'ifs'. my spirit will not admit defeat, i ask you. since you are with me, please show me whether if have been defeated, for then i will wait upon your swiftness.. if i have not been defeated.. then please save me. dear lord save me, because i cannot bare more.. you might think i can.. but anymore and my Will, will wane,,
im tired of pleading..when you will show me your pleasure?

mishalora bloakar piahglor miasom/mei?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

infinnity, uncertainty

the night before last I startled myself with a conclusion I dont think I'll share, and I dont know how to explain, anyways.. really. It actually makes what I know more beautiful, seemingly. :)

i sincerely hope that all i hold inside will be put too good use, made into song- or into story.. its all begining to be so old, im sad, im lonely..
waiting for that star dust person who wont care about things ive naught- who'll love me and help guide me, write stories- hold hands and listen to music.
or maybe im a monk whos destined to serve my Lord, bummer He cant hold my hand or whisper "everythings alright"